Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
