I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
