Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
