He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
