She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
