i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
