her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
