"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize