DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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