OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Randomize
