Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
