3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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