I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
