went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think my moral compass just broke
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