shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
