Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
