Umm I'm too high to move.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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