so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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