i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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