I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
