Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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