hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
