Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
