his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we're making bets on your personal life
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
