Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
