just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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