i think i have herpe
just one?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
