I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
