how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
