I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
