my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
