Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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