honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
