I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
