God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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