Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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