Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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