i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
