A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize