The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
