So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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