A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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