I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
