if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
