did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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