the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
