Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
