were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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