My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize