hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
