3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
