I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
