Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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