I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
