some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
