matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize