I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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