I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
