Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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