My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
