Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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