Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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