where am i from again
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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