I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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