That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Shame is for Republicans.
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