508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
