dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
