I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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