South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
