Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm always down for nudity.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
