First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
