He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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