I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
