i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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