That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
