so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
why do cheetos always look like penises
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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