I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
