So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
