It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
