It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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