I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
