I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
A bitchslap is in order.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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