Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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