my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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