i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
