he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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