It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
