I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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