How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
