remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize