Already got asked if we're dating
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize