so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My bed smells like the plague
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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