i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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