I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
