so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
