i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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