you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
