literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
