I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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