somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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