this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
