Girls should come with a carfax report
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize