The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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