I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
