I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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