remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
