She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
