Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
