I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
