I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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