i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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