I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
