My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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