i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
